Stress upon waiting, by DeeDee

I’m going to talk about feelings and emotions and how they relate to the experiences I’ve gone through. These are reactions I’ve had to the situations I’ve faced—the ups and downs of life. For example, I went through a lot before reaching the UK. I was beaten, and I experienced torture; I couldn’t tell anyone about it. So, getting there is another story in itself. I feel a deep sense of missing my kids whenever I see other children going to school; it triggers flashbacks about how my kids are now. How are they? I don’t know.

Everything feels overwhelming when you’re not working. You spend a lot of time thinking about various things, especially how being with my kids would make everything better, helping me avoid getting lost in my thoughts. I miss them deeply and feel emotional about it. Another thing I want to mention is how I feel when I see people going to work because I used to work back in my country. I used to wake up, get ready, and go to my job where I could earn a living. But now, when I see people coming back from work or going to work, it hurts. Without work, I feel lost, uncertain about when immigration will contact me, and unsure of what they will say or how things will turn out.

stress upon waiting

question is the mood of her face under an 

embroidered petal. handiwork of braids

is poise, suspension, the past written on the 

scalp, witness to your waiting-as-grace

in a blued room, still and unenterable

and photograph’s perimeter is a window

not a door —

cool transparency, achingly disclosed.

– by Josie Carter​

Independent

Daughter

Son

Uncertain

Lost in my thoughts

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